steven crook: will have to put more effort into practising then i think

LP: oh, and "Hi steven, I'm a brit, which welsh convention are you talking about - the one on a pier in north wales?" :-)

steven crook: yes in colwyn bay

steven crook: first convention for me so cant wait just hope its a good turn out

LP: I'm possibly thinking of perhaps going to that one. Maybe.

LP: it's a bit early to tell though - it's months away, and colwyn bay isn't all that easy to get to from Bristol

steven crook: colwyn bay is a very nice place aslong as the weather is nice and tide isnt out

steven crook: or tide in which ever

LP: that pretty much describes any coastal town with a pier in the uk ;-)

steven crook: yeah bristol is quite a distance im near manchester so only 20quid on train and i dont see much coast line

LP: Hmm. If I booked the week off afterwards, I could come back via snowdonia

LP: Hmm, a couple of days in snowdonia, a couple in the beacons... that could work

steven crook: indeed

steven crook: ive only managed to get 3 days off work for it :( but its enough

MonkeyJuggler: I might go for the Sardinia convention.

mamph-1->11-club: oh wow, I hadn't realised it was so close to Mostyn

steven crook: where is sardinia?

MonkeyJuggler: Where Sardines come from

steven crook: ha honestly

MonkeyJuggler: Sorry. It's not as good a line as when a dr I know convinced someone at work he was going to Cinqucento in Italy "where they make the cars".

LP: ooh mamph! half hour drive on the sunday morning and we can do tat shopping!

MonkeyJuggler: It's an Italian Island.

steven crook: ah cool always wanted to go to italy when is the convention

MonkeyJuggler: 13-15 June

mamph-1->11-club: Yay! And material shopping too.

steven crook: hmm too close to get time off maybe next year need to save up for that need a passport aswell put it through the washing machine by mistake :) oops

mamph-1->11-club: Right, home time for me. Was going to sleep, but Mr Jules ought to be in town.

MonkeyJuggler: tra

nelsonedward: i love my God

MonkeyJuggler: Money or women?

MonkeyJuggler: or drugs or alcohol?

nelsonedward: i am a banker

nelsonedward: and bankers love money and woman

nelsonedward: steve how are u?

LP: *pffft*

MonkeyJuggler: You're not in Nigeria are you? Do you need someone to give you their bank details for share of great wealth?

nelsonedward: i am in nigeria

MonkeyJuggler: Woot! Good guess me.

nelsonedward: yes u get it

MonkeyJuggler: We're about to hit a recession over here. Can I have your bank details so I can tranfser funds to Nigeria's banking industry?

nelsonedward: My name is Mr. Nelson Edward. I am the accountant of the First Inland I am a Nigerian married with two kids.

MonkeyJuggler: I'll give you a cut don't worry

nelsonedward: I am writing to solicit your assistance in the noble transfer of US$1.800,000.00 (One Million, Eight Hundred Thousand US Dollars)

Mini: Nelson i think your calender is wrong. its april 3rd. not 1st

LP: ooh! I'll help!

MonkeyJuggler: :o) oh joy

nelsonedward:  This fund is the excess of what my branch in which I am the accountant made as profit during the last year. I have already submitted an approved endof the last year report for the year 2006 and also submitted report of

MonkeyJuggler: Woo hoo!

Mini: looks like we hit paydirt lads.

nelsonedward: first quarter of this year 2007 to my Head Office here in Lagos and they will never know of this Excess.I have since then, placed this amountof US$1.800,000.00 (One Million, Eight Hundred Thousand Us Dollars)on a SUSPENCE ACCOUNT without a beneficiary.As an officer of the bank, I cannot be directly connected to this moneythus I am impelled to request for your assistance to receive thismoney into your bank account. I intend to part with 30% of this fund

Mini: can i have some please nelson

MonkeyJuggler: We should ask him to fund the next BJC.

Mini: send some info to dontbefsckinstupid@phuckwit.com

[To LP]: How the hell did I get that one right?

[To LP]: Or is he taking the p155?

LP: How can I help you dispose of this great wealth Nelson?

nelsonedward: to you while 70% shall be for me. I do need to stress that there are practically no risk involved in this. It is going to be a bank-to-bank transfer to your nominated bank account anywhere you feel safer. All I need from you is to stand as the original depositor of this fund.

nelsonedward: If you accept this offer

LP whispers: from the looks of google - if he's taking the p155 he's done his research and picked a name that's been used by scammers in the past

nelsonedward: let me have u tlephone number so that we can talk about it

steven crook: whats goin on here sinc when has juggling involved bank to bank account transfers

steven crook: since

LP: I'll do it! You can call me on 020 89841212

nelsonedward: i am only send this to any person that is intreasted so that we can do the business

[To nelsonedward]: I'm so excited that I got it right.

LP whispers: which is the phone number of Barking police station

nelsonedward: which country

[To LP]: Just whispered to him instead of you. Tits!

LP: London England

Clurb: lo

nelsonedward: let m have the code

nelsonedward: going

Mini: hi clurb

LP: Sorry, I think the full phone number is +4420 89841212

nelsonedward: give me ur name and private emails so that i can be able to send u mails now because it is private

charliejuggler: nelsonedward. I run a large juggling company in France and would be happy to deal with you

[To Clurb]: oh tee hee

charliejuggler: But only if you can provide me with high quality service & goods

LP: You can email me at fraud@scotlandyard.gov.uk

[To Clurb]: nice one Charlie

charliejuggler: My standards are very high, as am I

Clurb whispers: marvellous

Clurb whispers: pee will be sorry he missed this

LP: Ooops! Sorry Nelson, I've given you the wrong addres. That one doesn't work any more. fraud@met.police.uk should though

nelsonedward: Please contact me at mrnelson_edward@yahoo.com

MonkeyJuggler: Well that looks like a good company email address Nelson

LP: I've got to go now though. I'll mail you later nelson

charliejuggler: Nelson, I can only deal with you if you are interested in juggling

LP whispers: can you save the digest later? I could do with a giggle

napoleon_dynamit: oops, typo

[To LP]: How do I do that? Cut and paste?

LP whispers: right click, save as on the digest link should do it

charliejuggler: Your name is interesting. Did you know there was a famous Nelson from England, who has a large column?

[To Clurb]: I am SOOO chuffed I clocked him before he said he was from Nigeria

nelsonedward: please i amhere for business if you are intrasted in this deal please contac me

nelsonedward: charlie

charliejuggler: Can't we discuss it here? I'm very interested

charliejuggler: Can you tell us more?

nelsonedward: let me have ur private emails so that i can write to you

MonkeyJuggler: /m says humph how does this work?

MonkeyJuggler: 

nelsonedward: u see the transaction is made for me and u

MonkeyJuggler: 

charliejuggler: sorry I don't understand, what do you mean by 'ur' ?

nelsonedward: please let me have ur private email address so that i can send u mail write now

charliejuggler: I'm interested, Nelson, but I wouldn't want to end up in a mills mess

Clurb whispers: do you think he picked rec.chat cause all jugglers are idiots?

nelsonedward: charly can u email me now so that i can get back to you

charliejuggler: Also, I can only deal with someone with strong morals

[To Clurb]: Random chat room prolly

charliejuggler: sorry, don't call me charly, my name is Charlie. 'charly' means something very rude where I come from.

nelsonedward: sorry

steven crook: i got my pitch fork ready

charliejuggler: nelson, unless you tell me more about the deal I won't be able to email you. I'm a busy business man

ijuggle42: and smells like fish

nelsonedward: inmy country it is known as a friend

steven crook: haha

Clurb whispers: hahahahahaha

MonkeyJuggler: I actually did have 2 Mormons round earlier. They were trying to sell something too.

nelsonedward: so what do u want me to tell since i have told u everything

[To Clurb]: Those 2 lines would make a great lolcat pic

steven crook: ha mormons are ace have you seen orgazmo

Clurb: ohh, i love the mormons. they're always so well dressed and polite

MonkeyJuggler: Unfailingly polite. But I thought they could do with some more sympathetic ear. I gave them Nelson's phone number.

Clurb: i haven't seen any in braunstone yet. probably too scared

MonkeyJuggler: What you reckon round here is any safer?

steven crook: we have a few in macclesfield

charliejuggler: Nelson, if you are seriously interested in this transaction you will find my details at the end of this: clicky

Clurb: maybe they think your area is in more desperate need of the lord

charliejuggler: I have long experience of inter-bank transfers worth many thousands of lire

steven crook: i think it is too my pub landlord got stabbed a few weeks ago because he wouldnt serve an underage lad

MonkeyJuggler: A once had about 10million Zimbabwean wotsits

steven crook: hmm the pub i work in which was reassuring

MonkeyJuggler: My local pub had the granddaughter of the landlord eaten by a dog and the landlords gf killed by stabbing on the same day a year or two back.

steven crook: jesus i will inform the mormons

Clurb: that was a good day for new parks

MonkeyJuggler: The landlord ended up at the hospital I used to work in

MonkeyJuggler: Well it got us on the telly.

steven crook: well silver lining and all

MonkeyJuggler: Oh I got it wrong. Wasn't as bad as I remember. stm

Clurb: plumsie says hello (and that he's just seen the mormons at the bottom of your road, mj)

MonkeyJuggler: The gf and landlord got stabbed the following day...

nelsonedward: i am back

charliejuggler: right. gotta go. Nelson, remember to watch that all the way through, it's very important.

nelsonedward: dont go yet

charliejuggler: quickly then

nelsonedward: lets get this concluded all will u email me at mrnelosn_edward@yahoo.com

[To Clurb]: "He's so Nigerian he's making me racist!"

MonkeyJuggler: You spelt your name wrong nelson

charliejuggler: have you watched clicky

[To Clurb]: If youz fellatez him mayb he giz youz free doh

nelsonedward: so what i want u to understand is this is a transaction that is only made for two person

Clurb whispers: bravo

nelsonedward: mrnelson_edward@yahoo.com

[To Clurb]: Shall I say that out loud?

[To Clurb]: pointed at charlie?

charliejuggler: OK, I'll email mrnelosn_edward@yahoo.com

nelsonedward: ppls very important

nelsonedward: it is a transaction u will not regrat

nelsonedward: er to call u

Clurb: nelson, are you saying that if you make a deal with charlie you won't be able to come to an agreement with me?

MonkeyJuggler: If youz fellatez him mayb he giz youz free doh

charliejuggler: I'm sure I won't regrat it. I've never regratted anything.

nelsonedward: who are u?

Clurb: i think i should be asking you the same question

nelsonedward: if u are intreated in this deal contact me at mrnelson_edward@yahoo.com

steven crook: g

nelsonedward: give me ur telephone number to call u and introduce my self to you

nelsonedward: charlie please give me your number so that i can call you to finalize this with you

[To Clurb]: I know I shouldn't laugh at my own jokes but that line I'm very proudly still tittering at

[To Clurb]: As you should be doing for your subtitle. Well done.

nelsonedward: this is the correct email address mrnelson_edward@yahoo.com

charliejuggler: clurb is my secretary, you can tell her anything you'd tell me. I employed her because of her shapely calves

MonkeyJuggler: ok so that mrsnelson_edward@yahoo.com

charliejuggler: I have to go now. Mr Branson and Mr Sugar, my business partners, are holding a meeting at the Gherkin building and I must attend.

charliejuggler: We're discussing buying the county of Rutland and turning it into a juggling theme park

charliejuggler: Please discuss your offer further with my colleagues and they will keep me up to date.

nelsonedward: u are telling me now that u are not intrasted again

Clurb: have to shoot all the deer first though

charliejuggler: No, I am, but Clurb will continue the negotiation, she has my full confidence. Clurb, contact the Swiss bank please.

nelsonedward: i called the number it want to voice massage why

nelsonedward: i hear aledy voice what is happening

MonkeyJuggler: Anagrams of Nelson Edward include such gems as "Slander Owned", "Answer Noddle", "A lender's down", "No ladder news", "Laden Rod news", but there's no anagram including the word "nob" how poor.

charliejuggler: A lady voice? I'm a lady.

nelsonedward: i am afraid what is happning

charliejuggler: As is Clurb. MonkeyJuggler is our colleague, or 'gimp' as we say in English.

charliejuggler: I am afraid too.

Luke B: Hello

charliejuggler: Mainly of the badgers. clicky/

MonkeyJuggler: Ooh "Sown Nerd deal"!

charliejuggler: Luke should be able to help you with the voice massage, he has a regular podcast

charliejuggler: oh dear he's gone.

charliejuggler: Nelson, you must not be afraid. You need courage to do business.

charliejuggler: Join us and we shall give you courage.

MonkeyJuggler: Join us!

charliejuggler: right I'm going

nelsonedward: why i a m saying this is a deal and my bank want to confisicate the money and i told them that it is my cliant that has the money and they gave me a time to provide the person and i promis to provide every legal documents for this transaction

nelsonedward: and also ur name in the database of the company

Plumsie: Hello to all, have we made much on todays markets?

charliejuggler: Only £456,777 on close of business, down on yesterday

nelsonedward: i caaled again it enters voice massage

MonkeyJuggler: Lightweight!

Plumsie: that's a poor showin, the markets were bullish today

mikey: Our secretary must have already left Nelson, it's 6.30 pm here. Please leave a message so that she can contact you tomorrow

nelsonedward: no

MonkeyJuggler: Recommend you try some of smaller mortgage company stocks, very low at the mo

charliejuggler: If you can't get in touch direct, try calling us at church 01342 318229

nelsonedward: let her email me at mrnelson_edward@yahoo.com

MonkeyJuggler: Oh and if you have any gold stocks, sell em

nelsonedward: 44116222222 is not in service

Plumsie: you will have to wait a day or two nelson my friend, I belive my PA is on holiday tomorrow so will not be in until monday

charliejuggler: sorry I meant +44 1342 318229

charliejuggler: the church no

nelsonedward: who are u

MonkeyJuggler: Is that the PA that's awaiting questioning re fraud? Or the other one?

charliejuggler: I really have to go, the helicopter has just landed on the roof.

nelsonedward: ok

Plumsie: this is th one that's not been caught yet

charliejuggler: Plumsie is company secretary and has full access to our accounts.

nelsonedward: if u are intreasted contact me on my email bye

Tobias: hello

charliejuggler: He is also very courageous, he proved this earlier this year

charliejuggler: bah

Clurb: damnit. i was interested!

MonkeyJuggler: And rest....

charliejuggler: Well done all, we kept him going for a while

Clurb: nelson! don't leave again, i'm interested!

Clurb: damn

MonkeyJuggler: Ooh hum <coughs> err hello

Ady: hello Tobias

MonkeyJuggler: damn again!

Ady: how are you?

Clurb: nelson!

Plumsie: Nelson, you could try my american office. someone may be there that can help, th enumber is 818 995 3460

nelsonedward: call me if u are intreasted or email me

nelsonedward: i cannot chat again because i dont want this money to lost or i may do this and later i will not get my share buy

charliejuggler: Nelson, if you're serious so are we. In fact I don't think you will ever have met such a very serious bunch of people. We very seldom clown around.

nelsonedward: sorry i cannot do it

charliejuggler: Why not?

MonkeyJuggler: But we are sports about things

Plumsie: it is unfortunate that you have contacted us so late in the day Nelson, Commerce is over for the day her ein the UK, I gave you the number for my office in america where they would be able to help you

nelsonedward: how many people are chating with me

charliejuggler: Both of us.

MonkeyJuggler: ooh loads

nelsonedward: which number

MonkeyJuggler: Where's Alien Meerkat when you need her?

Plumsie: 818 995 3460

nelsonedward: who am i chating with and who am i doing this business with i am afraid and i dont want this money to go like tyast

charliejuggler: or in the UK, +44 1342 318229 - please ask for the Xenu department. (code for accounts)

charliejuggler: Mr Hubbard is the man you should speak to.

MonkeyJuggler: I don't like anything to go like tyast. Then you have to throw it away.

charliejuggler: I got tyast on my coat last week, dogs followed me for some time.

MonkeyJuggler: urgh minger

nelsonedward: i cannot call again all the number u people gave me did not go and i am not intreasted in doing this deal again

Plumsie: My accountant has just phoned me about some stocks, seems he is working late today, I gave him your name and told him to expect your call, his number is +4420 7239 7272

charliejuggler: Nelson, in business sometimes you have to take a risk.

nelsonedward: mikey if u cares email me @ mrnelson_edward@yahoo.com

nelsonedward: tell him to call me

nelsonedward: charlie u told me that u are going what us holding u

Plumsie: You haven't given me your number and I need to go now. the jet is waiting

charliejuggler: Please don't do business with mikey, he is a dangerous individual, he works with someone known only as 'LP' - they have many different jobs and wear many different hats

Plumsie: Call him. he is expecting your call

nelsonedward: call me 234 84846585

charliejuggler: The helicopter is being refuelled.

nelsonedward: i cannot call any person

MonkeyJuggler: Hello 234 84846585

charliejuggler: Why not Nelson? Surely as an accountant with a bank in Lagos you have access to international phone calls?

charliejuggler: Are you some kind of Renegade?

nelsonedward: all the numbers are wrong so i am afraid

charliejuggler: anyway. Helicopter is ready, please carry on discussing with my colleagues. Don't be afraid, we're here and interested and have access to huge funds

nelsonedward: bye i cannot do this deal again please forget it let my labour not go in vain

charliejuggler: I won't forget you, Nelson.

charliejuggler: We are now tracing your internet connection and the FBI have been informed.

nelsonedward: if u cannor forget me then email me

charliejuggler: You have been a victim of the International Juggler Taskforce, a crime fighting organisation wearing stripey trousers.

nelsonedward: i am not afriad

charliejuggler: Monkeyjuggler, we have a DNS resolve and IP address confirmed. Geographical location is ready and a SWOT team has been dispatched.

nelsonedward: look i am not afraid at all because this is real ok

Plumsie: you should be, we come wearing squirty flowers and slappy flappy shoes

nelsonedward: is not ur business rather they will sack me thats all

charliejuggler: They're all armed with a full set of powerful kendamas.

MonkeyJuggler: Check

charliejuggler: I will leave you with this last thought: Beware the Poi.

charliejuggler: Not all of them are filled with soft beanbags,

charliejuggler: night all.

Clurb: right, time for some tea

Plumsie: good night charlie my friend, tomorrow we can make some real moeny

Ady: im confused what just happened?

MonkeyJuggler: Some moron thinking he can rip someone off Ady. We've been playing a bit

Plumsie: ti's called a 412 scam ady, someone offers you loads of money for pretending to be a missing relative of someone that didn't exist and then needs to borrow money to finance the deal but they actually just steal your cash

Ady: oh ok, I just read the whole conversation, and I realise now

nelsonedward: I am writing to solicit your assistance in the noble transfer of US$1.800,000.00 (One Million, Eight Hundred Thousand US Dollarsfund is the excess of what my branch in which I am the accountant made as

Ady: LMAO!

Plumsie: so Mr Nelson Edwards, Bugger off

Luke B: Yawn

MonkeyJuggler: Good job no-one here has a bank accounct

Ady: plumsie I'm afraid I trust this stranger more than you

Ady: he just provided a very valid reason ;-)

Tobias: Ohh, I want money transferred too :)

Ady: haha

nelsonedward: bye

nelsonedward: ur people are greedy people

MonkeyJuggler: We'd all like money transferred.

Ady: so is your mother

MonkeyJuggler: Oh who's the one stealing over a million?

Ady: anyway I'm bored

nelsonedward: is any of u cares contact me with this email mrnelson_edward@yahoo.com

Tobias: this must be the first time I've seen an attempted scam in a chatroom

Plumsie: Nelson, we are not dumb, pedal your scams elsewhere and leave us to talk about our balls

MonkeyJuggler: with his 70% cut?

Ady: who the hell is nelson, its quite obvious this loser is using a fake name, the cowardly scammer, intruding are chatroom

MonkeyJuggler: Hey Dave. Do you need lots of stolen money?

Plumsie: Monkey, it's over a million dollars, it's worthless in terms of real money. the dollar is dead

MonkeyJuggler: Well nominal money anyway

Tobias: yeah, we all make about that much dollars worht in euros, dont we?

MonkeyJuggler: Hey I've have it anyway. I could do with some free bog roll

MonkeyJuggler: It's not as low as the nigerian dong

Mini: Nelson, have you realised yet your completely wasting your time?

MonkeyJuggler: And I'm not talking about exchange rates

Plumsie: anyone want to save a copy of the digest for if the police are interested?

MonkeyJuggler: I already have

Clurb whispers: ooh you big racially stereotyping thing, you

Tobias: well, we shouldnt all be picking on him... after all, this is quite entertaining ;)

[To Clurb]: That's the second line of mine that's still making me chuckle

MonkeyJuggler: Free entertainment. Laughing at a knob