100 MonkeyPieces

I was trying and trying to think of stuff to write wot would describe me to folk and I failed. So I went to one of those “100 things” questionnaires to give me an idea of stuff and thought “what the hell, I’m bored”. Here’s my answers:

  1. What is your full name? – Alby
  2. Where and when were you born? – 1971 in the British Military Hospital, Hannover, West Germany
  3. Who are/were your parents? (Know their names, occupations, personalities, etc.) – Mum and Dad, still alive and kicking.
  4. Do you have any siblings? What are/were they like? – 1 brother, he’s a farmer.
  5. Where do you live now, and with whom? – Derby. A small 2 bed house, with 1 adult and 2 children.
  6. What is your occupation? – Physiotherapist.
  7. Write a full physical description of yourself. – About 6 feet tall, BMI around 24-25 (depending on how badly my chocolate addiction has manifested), white, hair, legs etc…
  8. To which social class do you belong? – Working class with pretensions to middle (my folks listened to Radio 4 for a start).
  9. Do you have any allergies, diseases, or other physical weaknesses? – Physically weak but no allergies etc.
  10. Are you right- or left-handed? – Right.
  11. What does your voice sound like? – Monotone drawl, often people say “what?” ‘cos they’ve not heard through my mumble.
  12. What words and/or phrases do you use very frequently? – Loads of different ones at work. My colleagues get bored of em but each patient only hears them the once. I used to say “spot on” a lot, but this seems to have gone away.
  13. What do you have in your pockets? – At this very moment I’m naked in bed so nothing.
  14. Do you have any quirks, strange mannerisms, annoying habits, or other defining characteristics? – Typing random rubbish whilst naked in bed.
  15. How would you describe your childhood in general? – Fun. Lots of running around in woodland.
  16. What is your earliest memory? – Getting the Beano annual 1976 is definitely there. A vague memory of seeing a friend’s bedroom in Germany (I left when I was 3) and he had a scary black thing on the wall.
  17. How much schooling have you had? – Bachelors degree.
  18. Did you enjoy school? – Generally yes.
  19. Where did you learn most of your skills and other abilities? – I’ve no idea how to answer this one.
  20. While growing up, did you have any role models? – Nope.
  21. While growing up, how did you get along with the other members of your family? – Usual occasional fights with the brother but he’s so easy going that he’s difficult to wind up.
  22. As a child, what did you want to be when you grew up? – Had no plans.
  23. As a child, what were your favorite activities? – Running around in woodland.
  24. As a child, what kinds of personality traits did you display? – Asocialness, curiosity.
  25. As a child, were you popular? – Not really, a few good friends but I don’t keep in touch with anyone I knew (except family) before I was 18.
  26. When and with whom was your first kiss? – Private.
  27. Are you a virgin? – No.
  28. Describe any influences in your past that led you to do the things you do today. – Was unemployed and went to a jobs fair. There was a stall from a local university so I had a look at their prospectus and it fell open at physiotherapy. My path was clear from that moment. Took me a while though.
  29. What do you consider the most important event of your life so far? – Tricky. Meeting Tanya, meeting K? Possibly getting my degree. Meeting R and becoming a dad definitely.
  30. Who has had the most influence on you? – He’ll be surprised but my brother did. It was him who showed me that it’s perfectly possible to change your mind about what you want to do in life. Apart from that possibly a landlady in Newcastle – showed me the world may not have been what I thought it was.
  31. What do you consider your greatest achievement? – Tricky. Work is good and took me plenty of time and effort to get to where I am. But it doesn’t finish here.
  32. What is your greatest regret? – Wasting my teens and early 20′s. What a waste of time when I could have had lots going on.
  33. What is the most evil thing you have ever done? – Not evil really but splitting up with girlfriends is horrible and I hated doing it.
  34. Do you have a criminal record of any kind? – No but they have my fingerprints.
  35. When was the time you were the most frightened? – Dreams.
  36. What is the most embarrassing thing ever to happen to you? – Any number of things but I remember being pleased to be single once when I tried to pull my duvet up nearer to my face one night. My feet were tangled in the other end so I pulled really hard, my hands slipped and I hit myself in the face.
  37. If you could change one thing from your past, what would it be, and why? – Do something, anything in the early 20′s.
  38. What is your best memory? – Any peaceful and satisfied moments. I remember flying over the Caribbean at night looking down at the lit up islands whilst the plane’s radio had Dark Side of the Moon playing.  Quite recent but I reckon seeing my son born will be there in my memory ’til I die.
  39. What is your worst memory? – Memories of embarrassments are pretty bad.
  40. Are you basically optimistic or pessimistic? – Optimistic but cynical.
  41. What is your greatest fear? – Waste.
  42. What are your religious views? – Strongly athiestic.
  43. What are your political views? – Ideologically socialist but also a realist.
  44. What are your views on sex? – Strange question. A lovely life-affirming thing with the right person but seems pointless to me if you’re not with the right person.
  45. Are you able to kill? Under what circumstances do you find killing to be acceptable or unacceptable? – No idea but I doubt it. Self-preservation possibly.
  46. In your opinion, what is the most evil thing any human being could do? – Killing anyone deliberately.
  47. Do you believe in the existence of soul mates and/or true love? – Yes.
  48. What do you believe makes a successful life? – Depends on the person. If I’m making enough cash to live comfortably and have a secure future then that’s enough for me as long as I have friends/a partner.
  49. How honest are you about your thoughts and feelings (i.e. do you hide your true self from others, and in what way)? – Probably quite hidden, but I do also blurt occasionally.
  50. Do you have any biases or prejudices? – Yes.
  51. Is there anything you absolutely refuse to do under any circumstances? Why do you refuse to do it? – Kill. Steal. Carry a national ID card. I don’t want my government to be my boss, it’s supposed to be my servant.
  52. Who or what, if anything, would you die for (or otherwise go to extremes for)? – Depends very much on the circumstances. I strongly doubt that there are ever circumstances that would mean having to worry about this.
  53. In general, how do you treat others (politely, rudely, by keeping them at a distance, etc.)? – Work – politely but firmly. Friends – with warmth and friendly joshing.
  54. Who is the most important person in your life, and why? – Me. I think that’s the same for anyone.
  55. Who is the person you respect the most, and why? – Can’t think of anyone.
  56. Who are your friends? – They’ll be the only ones who read this so no, I won’t answer your question.
  57. Do you have a spouse or significant other? – Yes.
  58. Have you ever been in love? – Oh yes.
  59. What do you look for in a potential lover? – Intelligence, humour, curiosity, a certain level of cuteness, laughing at my jokes (a rare gift).
  60. How close are you to your family? – Not very compared to some.
  61. Have you started your own family? – Yes.
  62. Who would you turn to if you were in desperate need of help? – Friends and family.
  63. Do you trust anyone to protect you? – Don’t understand the question.
  64. If you died or went missing, who would miss you? – Hopefully friends and family.
  65. Who is the person you despise the most, and why? – I used to hate a guy called Rupert more than anyone, he once gave me a half hour rant about how shit I was because I didn’t smoke.
  66. Do you tend to argue with people, or avoid conflict? – I argue a lot.
  67. Do you tend to take on leadership roles in social situations? – Not really.
  68. Do you like interacting with large groups of people? – Prefer small groups.
  69. Do you care what others think of you? – To a degree, if they have it right but don’t like me then fair enough.
  70. What is/are your favorite hobbies and pastimes? – Juggling, games, learning German at the mo too.
  71. What is your most treasured possession? – PC. Sounds crap but I do a lot with it and it has years of stuff on the harddrive that would depress me if I lost it.
  72. What is your favorite colour? – Crap question.
  73. What is your favorite food? – Probably indian food but I do have a weakness for chocolate.
  74. What, if anything, do you like to read? – Varies. I like factual stuff and comedy.
  75. What is your idea of good entertainment (consider music, movies, art, etc.)? – Anything that evokes the expected response either physical (hairs on the back of the neck rising up etc), emotional or just critical.
  76. Do you smoke, drink, or use drugs? If so, why? – An occasional drink of decent quality beer. Never smoked or done any illegal drugs. Doesn’t appeal to me at all.
  77. How do you spend a typical Saturday night? – At the moment? Doing bugger all.
  78. What makes you laugh? – Intelligent comedies. Or basic fart jokes of course.
  79. What, if anything, shocks or offends you? – People not giving a monkey’s that they have affected other people. You can affect others but to dismiss this is not nice.
  80. What would you do if you had insomnia and had to find something to do to amuse yourself? – Get the DS out.
  81. How do you deal with stress? – Sleeping.
  82. Are you spontaneous, or do you always need to have a plan? – Varies.
  83. What are your pet peeves? – Grammar mistakes. Thoughtlessness.
  84. Describe the routine of a normal day for you. – Go to work, work, come home, do some stuff, sleep.
  85. What is your greatest strength as a person? – Ooh tough one, will get back to you.
  86. What is your greatest weakness? – Appalling at practical stuff like DIY; chocolate.
  87. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? -
  88. Are you generally introverted or extroverted? – Introverted but I like the company of nice people.
  89. Are you generally organized or messy? – Messy.
  90. Name three things you consider yourself to be very good at, and three things you consider yourself to be very bad at. – Good; physio, working out people, thinking. Bad; getting things done – actually that’s bad enough to count for all 3.
  91. Do you like yourself? – Yes.
  92. What are your reasons for being an adventurer? – ‘cos life’s interesting.
  93. What goal do you most want to accomplish in your lifetime? – Nothing big. Would like to be comfortable re money and living conditions.
  94. Where do you see yourself in 5 years? – Hopefully a bit higher up the ladder at work.
  95. If you could choose, how would you want to die? – Quietly with little fuss.
  96. If you knew you were going to die in 24 hours, name three things you would do in the time you had left. – Eat lots of chocolate, talk to people I like, sleep (I always do when stressed).
  97. What is the one thing for which you would most like to be remembered after your death? – Me. Whether grumpy or funny or useless or helpful.
  98. What three words best describe your personality? – Grumpy, content, cynical.
  99. What three words would others probably use to describe you? – Idiotic cynical git.
  100. Any advice to give? – Do different stuff.